Always Smile

I was reminiscing the day that you left.

I was there fighting not to cry but damn tears shed from my eyes.

Is it I right? I am the reason why you left. I am the reason why kept on coming back there.

I was shivering and can’t believe that it really was happening.

I was left dumbfounded and can’t move. I felt numbness and I can feel it now while I’m remembering it.

There were no words came out because I knew it was useless.

You called my name and smiled one last time. You said ‘always smile’ and I nodded for a response.

I can’t promise you my love that I’ll be able to grant that. 

My only happiness is leaving, I couldn’t imagine myself smiling. 

Nothing will change even if I cry for you not to leave. I was left broken and it was awful.

My love? Am I a burden to you? Is it my fault? Unanswered questions flowed to me that time. I pitied myself and couldn’t breathe.

Yes, call me selfish but hey I can’t afford to lose her. I want her all mine. Only mine. I’ll promise to love her for eternity just don’t get her from me.

Yes, I was crazy. I always cry everyday and can’t even laugh.

I was cold like an ice, always troubled and have fights.

I learned not to fall for any promises. I learned not to trust anybody even my own family.

So dark right? I grew fond of anger and sadness. I decided to be alone and more private.

All is nothing but a useless crap. I don’t go to church and not wanting to go home. 

It was not a home because it wasn’t without you.

I’m a pest to talk to. You’ll only get nods, an okay, single word answer to your question.

You can’t get any good thing from me.

“Always smile” said she. I tried but I can’t.

I was heartless, shattered, blank-faced. Nobody understands me even my friends.

I was freaking tired. I always closed my eyes and utter your name.

I’m stupid right? Worse person I could be. I despised everyone.

I could always smile and laugh bitterly at my situation. I know I don’t have the right but that’s what I felt.

All I wanted is she. All I wanted is her arms wrapped around me. 

My love, you didn’t know I lost my way that time? I was trapped from my madness and couldn’t get out, tumbled down, hurt, wounded but trying to get my self up. 

I just need you here. ‘Always smile’, again I heard that in my mind. I realized, this is too much.

Enough for being a brat. I’ll stop this now. I hurt plenty even you. I’ll stop for I damaged plenty. 

Okay, I’ll give it a try. I’ll try to be happy. I won’t cry anymore. I will go back to Him again. I’ll slowly break the wall I built.

My love, I’m sorry for the pain. I’m sorry for breaking our family. I was lost.

I promised to learn from my mistakes. I’ll be better. I will wait for you to come back. And I promise you, I will never make you cry again when you come back home.

I will never make you cry again. So please come back soon.

I really miss you. And the first thing you’ll see is my smile, my true smile. 

I love you and always smile.

-AJ

 

 

 

 

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