I was reminiscing the day that you left.
I was there fighting not to cry but damn tears shed from my eyes.
Is it I right? I am the reason why you left. I am the reason why kept on coming back there.
I was shivering and can’t believe that it really was happening.
I was left dumbfounded and can’t move. I felt numbness and I can feel it now while I’m remembering it.
There were no words came out because I knew it was useless.
You called my name and smiled one last time. You said ‘always smile’ and I nodded for a response.
I can’t promise you my love that I’ll be able to grant that.
My only happiness is leaving, I couldn’t imagine myself smiling.
Nothing will change even if I cry for you not to leave. I was left broken and it was awful.
My love? Am I a burden to you? Is it my fault? Unanswered questions flowed to me that time. I pitied myself and couldn’t breathe.
Yes, call me selfish but hey I can’t afford to lose her. I want her all mine. Only mine. I’ll promise to love her for eternity just don’t get her from me.
Yes, I was crazy. I always cry everyday and can’t even laugh.
I was cold like an ice, always troubled and have fights.
I learned not to fall for any promises. I learned not to trust anybody even my own family.
So dark right? I grew fond of anger and sadness. I decided to be alone and more private.
All is nothing but a useless crap. I don’t go to church and not wanting to go home.
It was not a home because it wasn’t without you.
I’m a pest to talk to. You’ll only get nods, an okay, single word answer to your question.
You can’t get any good thing from me.
“Always smile” said she. I tried but I can’t.
I was heartless, shattered, blank-faced. Nobody understands me even my friends.
I was freaking tired. I always closed my eyes and utter your name.
I’m stupid right? Worse person I could be. I despised everyone.
I could always smile and laugh bitterly at my situation. I know I don’t have the right but that’s what I felt.
All I wanted is she. All I wanted is her arms wrapped around me.
My love, you didn’t know I lost my way that time? I was trapped from my madness and couldn’t get out, tumbled down, hurt, wounded but trying to get my self up.
I just need you here. ‘Always smile’, again I heard that in my mind. I realized, this is too much.
Enough for being a brat. I’ll stop this now. I hurt plenty even you. I’ll stop for I damaged plenty.
Okay, I’ll give it a try. I’ll try to be happy. I won’t cry anymore. I will go back to Him again. I’ll slowly break the wall I built.
My love, I’m sorry for the pain. I’m sorry for breaking our family. I was lost.
I promised to learn from my mistakes. I’ll be better. I will wait for you to come back. And I promise you, I will never make you cry again when you come back home.
I will never make you cry again. So please come back soon.
I really miss you. And the first thing you’ll see is my smile, my true smile.
I love you and always smile.